Diagnosis

At the end of May I was driving home from work one day and I noticed some solid lumps above my collarbone. They were unfamiliar, but I didn't know when they could be so I decided to give it a little time and see if I noticed any change. Two weeks later, the second week in June I was getting ready to leave on my big summer vacation and I started to feel more nervous when I realized they had continued to grow.
I showed them to my mom, and then of course we googled it and all sorts of scary things popped up, and unfortunately I had symptoms to match some of the worst of it. I was so anxious, I tried to ignore it, and I really just wanted to leave and have fun.

I debated what I would do until June 11 and then I decided to spend a day at the Salt Lake Temple and try to figure it out. I just let my emotions run their course, I was scared and frustrated. At the end of a session I was sitting in the Temple and an older woman who had gone through with me came up and took my hand and said, "I just wanted to tell you, I was sitting next to you and I noticed how very young your hands were next to my old wrinkled hands and I was thinking, you just have your whole life ahead of you."

I finally felt some peace about my situation.
The next day, June 12, I went to the doctor for the first time. They ordered blood tests and an ultrasound and then a fine needle biopsy. Then on July 2 I had a lymph node taken out for biopsy. The surgery went well and they got an adequate sample. On July 3 I had it confirmed that I had Classical Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

I have had a lot of different feelings since it was diagnosed. Relief at knowing what was wrong and that I can recover. Scared about cancer and treatments. Curious and a little excited, I know that is maybe a little odd but I enjoy unique and new experiences and this is definitely one of those. An adventure I never wanted but I'm willing to go on.

The hardest part is telling people. I don't mind talking about it, but every time there are emotions and a lot of questions I can't answer yet. This is still so new for me. So I'm taking my time, getting used to it, and trying to make the most of things.

The biggest comfort is knowing that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me. I know this won't be easy, but life rarely is.
I was reminded of a talk President Dieter F. Uchtdorf have in the April 2014 General Conference titled 'Grateful In Any Circumstances.'
He said, " We can choose to be grateful, no matter what.
"This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of summer."
I know that as long as I remember my Heavenly Father and his goodness that I will be blessed. He is watching over me and he knows better the details of my life. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Phillipians 4:13.