Life at 2 years and 6 months Cancer Free

I had to say goodbye to one of my doctors this month. They've moved me to 6 month visits and by June of next year we plan to be in Kentucky getting a little closer to my husbands family. It was a little emotional, you get pretty close to the team of people who are working to keep you alive and they have seen me in all sorts of different life stages at this point, happy and sad. Next time I drop by the office it will be when we are getting ready to move so that I can pick up copies of all my records. I still have at least one more visit with my oncologist who planned my chemotherapy treatments.
The recovery at this point is very positive, life is pretty normal and I would say my energy is finally back to normal. My memories of all the medical treatments are drifting further away into long term memory, I was rereading through what I wrote about it and had actually forgotten quite a bit.
I didn't write as much post treatment, that was a crazy year. I had on and off depression following my treatments, part of it was just how tired I was, I was pretty impatient to get back to my normal activities and my body just wasn't keeping up. It's hard to be patient in recovery, and it's hard to get back to planning for the future when its more than just scheduling doctor appointments and working every day.

I've been through a few jobs, I was a kindergarten classroom aide during my treatments and about 6 months after, it was a lot of fun and I only worked half days so that was very convenient with not feeling tip top I always had time for a nap if I needed one. For a few months I also worked at an ice skating rink in concessions and skate rental - not really something I would do again, it was fun but it felt like a set back post college years, the upside was making some good friends and staying pushing myself to stay active and strong when that really wasn't good feeling some of the time.
Following that I spent a few months unemployed, hanging out with my boyfriend now husband and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with myself. My cousin let me come work for him for a few months in his print shop designing business flyers and wedding invitations most of the time. That was probably the most fun I've had working, I really enjoyed the artistic side of things and I plan to work more graphic design into my future.
Following that were 7 miserable months at a call center for a credit card company, on the positive it was good for my resume, and I learned a lot about personal credit and finance, but I really did not enjoy the job itself for a variety of reasons that I really don't want to go into, just that I would never go back.
Which led to finding my current job, also at a call center, but now I offer tech support for Cricut (crafting company) which has been really fun and rewarding. I have learned a lot about technology, and it still pushes me a little out of my comfort zone sometimes but I like that we are encouraged to be creative, and I love the people I work with.

A few weeks ago I turned 29, I haven't colored my hair since Christmas and recently realized I have at least half a dozen gray hairs creeping in... mixed feelings about that.
Mat and I have been very happy, we just came back from a trip to Kentucky visiting family. It was really fun and we like to day dream about the day we get to make our journey eastward.
I could go on.... but life is good and I'm just so happy it turned out this way.

That First Year of Being Well

So, It's been over a year now, and life could not be more different. I am happily cancer free. My check ups have been great, and I love seeing my doctors even if the hospital soap still makes me nauseous because it brings back a sensory memory from chemo.
Last March I started dating the most wonderful man, just days before I took off on a trip to Boston, New York,  New York and Washington D.C. (which I plan to cover in my other blog and will post a link here later). Magical months passed by until we decided we wanted to spend our lives together and we were married in November of last year.
Now we are living, and working, and learning and life is so full. And it's like I have a whole new life, it's hard to imagine that in July of 2014 I was diagnosed with cancer. My hair is back, my scars are fading, and I have this whole future to plan for that I never could have imagined. All these things that might have never happened if...

And I am so grateful that they did.

Three Month Check In

This week I had my three month check up with my medical oncologist. Last week I had a PET scan so we got to talk about all the things going on inside of me. The good news is that I show no signs of cancer activity. There is a lot of scar tissue in my chest, but that was expected. I've the next few months and years they will be monitoring the scar tissue and other parts of my body for any signs of recurring or new cancer.
So, that was a huge relief. Now that the worst is hopefully over I have so many feelings I am working through. It kind of feels like I stored up all these feelings I was too exhausted to feel during treatment and now I have to watch out or they will crush me. It's scary to have part of your life taken over by circumstances out of your control. It makes you appreciate how fragile life really is. I think my biggest hurdle now is the future. I don't feel as sure about the things I thought I wanted as I did a few months ago and I can't decide what to do about it. Sometimes there are no easy answers. What I do know is that I will figure it out.
Also, about 3 weeks ago I got a dog. His name is Xandar and I love him already. He is already an adult and trained so we get to hang out and have good times. Today he had his hair trimmed. He is all worn out.

First follow-up, Port Out!

I am feeling fantastic about life right now. I had my first follow-up visit with my Oncology Radiologist last week on Wednesday and everything appears to be doing great. My body is healing, I'm getting my energy back, I feel great. I've even made a few trips to the gym in the last few weeks and I'm not as out of shape as I thought I migby be. And I got a nice little neck massage as they checked out all my lymph nodes.
As for what I was most excited about: I got my port removed today. It only happened about an hour ago but I am so happy. I no longer have a weird tube in my neck and it's a fairly painless surgery so I'm feeling great. Just a little drugged up.
Life is good.
No signs of cancer.
Plenty to be grateful for.
Food even tastes good again, and I can eat Spicey foods again. My first week being able to eat spicey foods I had some sort of chili or wasabi on everything I ate. It was fantastic.
Also, my hair is coming in nicely.

Love you all, and thank you for all the support and kind words through my recent adventures!

The Hardest Part Is Over!

I have completed all my planned cancer treatments and as far as can be seen at this time am free of cancer. In 3 months my body will have healed enough from treatment for them to do a scan and verify this but until then I'm just delighted to be on the road to recovery and feeling good!

So here are some pictures from the last week...

Without makeup I miss my hair- the good news is that it is growing back!

These are of the radiation experience. They took them for me my last day. Monday thru Friday for the last few weeks I have spent about 15-30 minutes laying on this hard table while machines moved around me taking pictures and administering targeted radiation treatment. The mask was clipped to the table to keep me in the exact same position for every treatment. I usually took a short nap as soon as they would dim the lights.

On my final day (I was wearing pajamas because we had a pajama day at school and watched parts of the polar express) they gave me a certificate for completing my treatments and a bottle of Sparkling Cider (which I haven't been sharing) and I got to bring home my radiation mask. I have 6 weeks before I go back for a follow up. This will be the longest I've gone without seeing a doctor since March of last year.

So excited! Happy Christmas and a wongerful New Years to all of my friends and family! You have been a great support through this exhausting experience, I am grateful for all the kind words, prayers on my behalf, and the generous gifts. I feel blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life.

"We can’t predict all the struggles and storms in life, not even the ones just around the next corner, but as persons of faith and hope, we know beyond the shadow of any doubt that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and the best is yet to come."

'Let Him Do It with Simplicity' Elder L. Tom Perry, Oct. 2008, General Conference

Some Truths About My Radiation Experience

I began radiation a week and a half ago, which means I'm already half way done. So far the side effects are pretty minimal.
My skin gets a little red and tender, not painful, just tender, like my clavicle is embarrassed about something. If I run and try to breath ( I've found I can't do one without the other) my chest hurts  just a little and I suspect I'm about to have a heart attack. I developed a sore throat in connection with a mild cold and coughing is a little painful. My doctor and I discussed this and determined it is probably because my coughing puts pressure on my radiation burnt insides. Swallowing is also painful because my esophagus is mildly burnt. Also I get achey, like sore muscles from a work out, in my shoulder blade area because that is where all the directed beams converge to exit my body. I'm a little more tired than normal but it's much easier than chemotherapy was so I'll take it.
In other news, my hair is still gone. I have a slight fuzz on my head, but it's still thin and with bald patches. My eyebrows have continued thinning but I suspect this is mostly part of their natural growth cycle and is mostly apparent because no new hair is growing to replace what leaves. I now draw them on with Anastasia's Dip-brow, some fancy makeup I bought at sephora after consulting one of their sales people. I use black eyeliner to make my weird eyelashes less apparent. I have also learned how to wear liquid eyeliner which I find exciting and fun.
Also, not appearance related, I have a second job. I started in October working part time at Peaks Ice Arena. I was getting bored, and it keeps me pretty busy. I can't decide if I actually enjoy it, I'm not sure I thought that through very well. I have to say, it is probably hazardous to make decisions under the influence of cancer.
I have been extremely emotional lately, sort of like it's all finally catching up with me. Every now and then I get upset about how hard this has all been and I cry a bit.
On the positive, life is still enjoyable and I'm meeting new people and starting new friendships all the time. This has been a wild ride.

Chemotherapy Done, Radiation Beginning

I didn't realize so much time had passed since my last post, my family moved to Provo last month, I got a second job at the local Ice Arena (I work part-time with skate rentals and concessions) and I finished chemotherapy!
I had my last treatment on November 4th. I got really sick on the 6th and spent the whole day moving as little as humanly possible, and my eyebrows and eyelashes have gotten VERY thin, but it's over now and that is a GOOD thing.
After I finished chemotherapy, this was the end of my 4th cycle (8th treatment) they had me go in for a fresh PET scan and found me to be very lacking in cancer cells, the official report was something about being much reduced and some fancy words I didn't entirely understand, but the doctor told me what it means is that I don't light up anymore under the fancy camera. The PET scan itself was actually pretty uncomfortable, I decided to have them put the contrast I drink into root beer this time and it tasted pretty gross so between that and my port being accessed to put in the radioactive sugars I was feeling kind of sick and when they went to clear my port at the end I started puking. 4 rounds of chemotherapy and I only throw up once a tiny bit but one day of contrast and I managed to empty the contents of my stomach afterwards. We had my favorite dinner afterwards to comfort me. Homemade Mac'n'Cheese. :) I have a good mom.
Since the scan was so good we talked about what the next few month and hopefully years of my life will look like now that my treatment won't be with my primary oncologist every time. For the first while I will see my oncologist every month, and then it will eventually be every couple months until I only come in once a year and then maybe less than that. Slowly getting my life back.
Today I went in to get things started with my radiation treatment, even though my scans look good they are going to treat it with radiation to clear out anything extra and hopefully keep it from ever coming back. At my appointment today we set up my plan with my radiation oncologist, I will have 15 treatments starting December 1st and going on 5 days a week for 3 weeks. For my treatments they made a special mask of this hard plastic stuff that goes over my head and shoulders and locks to the table so that they won't have to use tattoos to direct the radiation. At some point maybe I'll get a picture of it, it's pretty cool/weird. They said I can keep the mask when my treatment is over.
After the mask was made they did a few CT scans to get specific locations for my treatment plan, I got that fun iodine contrast again that makes it feel sort of like you've peed your pants. This sensation isn't so bad but I did feel squirmy feeling as I got all warm while I was locked down to the table by the mask. I'm glad it didn't take very long.
So now I'm free to do as I please until December 1st. My blood counts are still low and my hair is not yet returning, but I am gradually feeling better. Already I think my energy has increased and I am less afraid to use my muscles. I think I'll be ready to get back on a fitness plan in the New Year and I am definitely looking forward to that.